Dear Caring and Praying Friends,
This morning permission was given for me to return to work on "desk duty," 1/2 shifts for two weeks and return to normal job duties after that! Last week, the infectious disease doctor gave his approval to return to work! Today was my third specialist appointment since the previous e-mail; there is much more great news to report!
Last Wednesday, the breast surgeon informed me that the "tumor" from the left side, which was sent to California for the special genetic testing, had been rejected twice due to "not enough material." Each cell, normal/cancerous, has its own genetic code. What I hear in the statement, "not enough material" is that they couldn't find even one cancer cell to check its genes. Praise God!!! She then told me that my case was presented at a breast conference of breast surgeons and oncologists, because it was so unusual. She said half the oncologists recommended chemotherapy and herceptin, while the other half said it wasn't necessary.
Again, she expressed her recommendation for me to begin Tamoxifen (estrogen hormone blocker) or as an alternative, if I desire, to surgically have my ovaries removed. NOT!!! I feel Peace about not pursuing further treatments and ended up canceling the oncologist's appointment for this week. I am learning alternative ways to curb any "extra estrogen" in my system through diet and exercise, and have learned some shocking things about what I have been eating. My lifestyle requires a "makeover," but I am willing! I will have a "buff body by fifty!" :)
Praises:
· I am able to go back to work!
· "Not enough material" was found to genetically test!
· 50% of the oncologists agreed with my point of view!
· I continue in perfect Peace in regards to this situation!
· The infection is almost gone. There are two red spots and very slight swelling, but I am still taking antibiotics!
· I have not taken any pain medicine or valium for chest cramps since last week!
· I was able to attend worship service this past Sunday, the 1st time in several weeks! I really missed corporate worship and all the great loving I get from my CCC friends!!!
· The plastic surgeon gave his approval for stretching and light weight training.
·
· The continued support of ALL of you who care about and Love me. I am the richest woman in the world!!!
Prayers:
· That my transition back to work would be smooth and without undue fatigue.
· That the infection would leave even more quickly.
· That I continue hearing direction from the Holy Spirit regarding my lifestyle. A few days ago, I heard Him say a single food item. Then, I had an impression to check out estrogen levels in that item, which turns out is higher here in the US than other countries. God truly is my Daddy telling me what to do and not to do!
· That I don't become offensive in my attitude towards any of the specialists who are treating me. They truly are only recommending what they have been taught, which factors out God entirely. I like my doctors, even though I don't see eye-to-eye with them at times.
· That this affliction would not rise up a second time!!!
With Much Love ALWAYS...
Beautiful Grace :)
Monday, March 28, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Mountain Removal: No Soap Operas For Me!!!
Dear Persevering and Praying Friends,
Right now, I'm feeling like an unwitting star in a medical soap opera, in which I attended no audition. Bam...the part of leading lady dropped in my lap! Yes, it seems that way with the most recent piece of news received yesterday from my plastic surgeon. It turns out that the organism responsible for the infection in my left side is MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus), known by the press and most of the public as the "super bug." These bacteria resist most antibiotics and was the reason the incision on the left side never healed. It also is the reason the cellulitis formed, resulting in the need for more surgery to remove the left expander.
I do not desire your pity. I desire a holy compassion to be stirred up in you to pray that this "super bug" is totally, completely, and forever annihilated from my system!!! It was compassion that drove Jesus to heal, and if we are to be like Him, we need that same holy compassion.
Matthew 14:13-15 (New King James Version)
"And when Jesus went out He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them, and healed their sick."
Please pray for the following:
Obviously, that the MRSA is resolved quickly before it can spread to other areas of my body.
That my strength returns. I am washed out most of the time, and I'm getting weary of lying around. This is to be expected as my body wars against the infecting organism.
Wisdom, Wisdom, Wisdom! As a nurse, I knew that an unhealing, draining wound was not a healthy sign, but I kept my nursing knowledge to myself to not make waves. As a patient, I didn't want to tell the doctors what to do, but if I had been taking care of a patient with my symptoms, I would have been on the phone daily asking for intervening orders. I am scheduled for two doctor's appointments tomorrow, one with the breast surgeon for a postoperative check and the other with an infectious disease doctor. Lord, I need to ask wise questions while continuing to be respectful.
Most of all, please pray for Strongman, Consecrated and Fire. This has been very hard on them, and each of them responds differently to that stress. My desire is that this trial would draw us closer together!
That our family as individuals and as a whole would be drawn closer to the "One and Only Super God," Who always trumps any "super bug" named on this earth. His name is Higher!!!
Philippians 2:9-11 (New King James Version)
"Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."
Please contact me with anything you may be sensing regarding this trial. The Lord speaks in wonderfully varied and mysterious ways. Please don't dismiss what He may want you to speak to me!!!
Many More Praises:
The plastic surgeon stated the infection looked 90% better than last Wednesday. You might say, well, she was taking antibiotics; of course, it's getting better. In reality, the first antibiotic (Avelox) was completely ineffective for a skin infection. According to the sensitivity report, the MRSA was completely resistant to the second antibiotic (Cipro). Why is it then that I am 90% improved? By One, name alone...JESUS!!!
Just as the diagnosis of cancer didn't scare me, neither did the diagnosis of MRSA. This, my friends, can only be attributed to God's grace poured out on me. Faith is not always rational, and HE GETS ALL THE GLORY!!!!
I haven't been physically dancing in worship lately, but as I listen to worship music while going to sleep at night in my "holy imagination" I am dancing away with Jesus. He's the best Dance Partner!!!
I had a visit today from the "Merry Maids" who showed up to clean my house and fold laundry! What fantastic friends with which I am blessed! I Love you ladies!!! Your hearts' shine Jesus through your actions.
I received a prophetic word from a young girl through her daddy, and it brought me to tears. After simply explaining to his girls the trial I am walking through, this young girl added, "she's like Job ... 'blessed be the name of the Lord' she praises Him through it all." "Then she basically added 'neat' what God did for Job after the trial was over." I want to hug you Sweetheart, can you ask your mom and dad if you can visit me?
I praise God that my friends are not like Job's friends. I have received so much Love and support that at times a "good overwhelm" consumes me and that all gets given back to God in gratitude.
For my "Spiritual Advisor" whom I call for guidance and prayer. Her prayers are so powerful that sometimes I feel as though I will "blow up" in the Spirit! Thank you, Sweet Lady! I Love and appreciate you!!!
For no pain medicine needed except at night and am weaning off the Valium for chest cramps, as pain and cramping have not been a problem since the JP drain has been removed!!!
Most of all for my Jesus, who constantly keeps me held close no matter if I feel weak, being carried by His strong arms or if I feel strong, dancing aside of Him as His Bride. I couldn't be more blessed!!!
There are people all around us who are hurting physically, emotionally and spiritually. Lord, stir up our compassion, the same compassion that moved Jesus to heal, let that healing flow through us!!! In the Sweet and Powerful name of Jesus!!! AMEN
With Much Love and Appreciation,
Beautiful Grace :)
Right now, I'm feeling like an unwitting star in a medical soap opera, in which I attended no audition. Bam...the part of leading lady dropped in my lap! Yes, it seems that way with the most recent piece of news received yesterday from my plastic surgeon. It turns out that the organism responsible for the infection in my left side is MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus), known by the press and most of the public as the "super bug." These bacteria resist most antibiotics and was the reason the incision on the left side never healed. It also is the reason the cellulitis formed, resulting in the need for more surgery to remove the left expander.
I do not desire your pity. I desire a holy compassion to be stirred up in you to pray that this "super bug" is totally, completely, and forever annihilated from my system!!! It was compassion that drove Jesus to heal, and if we are to be like Him, we need that same holy compassion.
Matthew 14:13-15 (New King James Version)
"And when Jesus went out He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them, and healed their sick."
Please pray for the following:
Obviously, that the MRSA is resolved quickly before it can spread to other areas of my body.
That my strength returns. I am washed out most of the time, and I'm getting weary of lying around. This is to be expected as my body wars against the infecting organism.
Wisdom, Wisdom, Wisdom! As a nurse, I knew that an unhealing, draining wound was not a healthy sign, but I kept my nursing knowledge to myself to not make waves. As a patient, I didn't want to tell the doctors what to do, but if I had been taking care of a patient with my symptoms, I would have been on the phone daily asking for intervening orders. I am scheduled for two doctor's appointments tomorrow, one with the breast surgeon for a postoperative check and the other with an infectious disease doctor. Lord, I need to ask wise questions while continuing to be respectful.
Most of all, please pray for Strongman, Consecrated and Fire. This has been very hard on them, and each of them responds differently to that stress. My desire is that this trial would draw us closer together!
That our family as individuals and as a whole would be drawn closer to the "One and Only Super God," Who always trumps any "super bug" named on this earth. His name is Higher!!!
Philippians 2:9-11 (New King James Version)
"Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."
Please contact me with anything you may be sensing regarding this trial. The Lord speaks in wonderfully varied and mysterious ways. Please don't dismiss what He may want you to speak to me!!!
Many More Praises:
The plastic surgeon stated the infection looked 90% better than last Wednesday. You might say, well, she was taking antibiotics; of course, it's getting better. In reality, the first antibiotic (Avelox) was completely ineffective for a skin infection. According to the sensitivity report, the MRSA was completely resistant to the second antibiotic (Cipro). Why is it then that I am 90% improved? By One, name alone...JESUS!!!
Just as the diagnosis of cancer didn't scare me, neither did the diagnosis of MRSA. This, my friends, can only be attributed to God's grace poured out on me. Faith is not always rational, and HE GETS ALL THE GLORY!!!!
I haven't been physically dancing in worship lately, but as I listen to worship music while going to sleep at night in my "holy imagination" I am dancing away with Jesus. He's the best Dance Partner!!!
I had a visit today from the "Merry Maids" who showed up to clean my house and fold laundry! What fantastic friends with which I am blessed! I Love you ladies!!! Your hearts' shine Jesus through your actions.
I received a prophetic word from a young girl through her daddy, and it brought me to tears. After simply explaining to his girls the trial I am walking through, this young girl added, "she's like Job ... 'blessed be the name of the Lord' she praises Him through it all." "Then she basically added 'neat' what God did for Job after the trial was over." I want to hug you Sweetheart, can you ask your mom and dad if you can visit me?
I praise God that my friends are not like Job's friends. I have received so much Love and support that at times a "good overwhelm" consumes me and that all gets given back to God in gratitude.
For my "Spiritual Advisor" whom I call for guidance and prayer. Her prayers are so powerful that sometimes I feel as though I will "blow up" in the Spirit! Thank you, Sweet Lady! I Love and appreciate you!!!
For no pain medicine needed except at night and am weaning off the Valium for chest cramps, as pain and cramping have not been a problem since the JP drain has been removed!!!
Most of all for my Jesus, who constantly keeps me held close no matter if I feel weak, being carried by His strong arms or if I feel strong, dancing aside of Him as His Bride. I couldn't be more blessed!!!
There are people all around us who are hurting physically, emotionally and spiritually. Lord, stir up our compassion, the same compassion that moved Jesus to heal, let that healing flow through us!!! In the Sweet and Powerful name of Jesus!!! AMEN
With Much Love and Appreciation,
Beautiful Grace :)
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Mountain Removal: Beautiful Heart, Chosen One
Precious Friends,
Wednesday's surgery went well. The expander was removed, the incision was cleaned up, and a sample of the fluid was extracted in order to determine the infecting organism. This hospitalization was one of great favor and blessing for me!
On Wednesday into Thursday, I didn't get much sleep because of all the vital signs which needed assessed, so instead of actually sleeping, I put on my CD headset and worshipped all night! At some point during the night, I met a nursing assistant, Marcos, from Brazil. He couldn't pronounce my name with his Portuguese accent, but it was awesome the way he said it. Randomly, he told me what my name meant in Portuguese. Bella refers, not to physical beauty, but to a "beautiful heart." He said, "You know, like King David in the Bible?" Then he told me Ann comes from the name Hannah, which means "chosen one." He then referred to Hannah who cried out to God, and He chose her to be the mother of Samuel. For all of you that know me well, you know how I responded. ;)
Multiple Praises:
· I had only slight nausea after the surgery, which quickly resolved.
·
· My pain is confined to the insertion site of the drain and is being controlled with ibuprofen and talwin; I am NOT sick from the pain relievers, just a little more loopy and tired than normal. :)
·
· I was able to advise my nightshift nurse, who is currently looking for a church to attend. :)
·
· I no longer feel sick, and the incision site will be "pretty" once it is healed!!!
·
· I continue on antibiotics for the infection, which looks better each day!
·
· I received a card with some money in it. No signed name, no return address. Thank you! What a mysterious blessing!
·
· My surgeon gave me the ok to start walking as tolerated!
·
· I have a wonderful friend who did grocery shopping for me, then refused to let me pay her. She then helped chop veggies for supper and fold wash with me as we visited, but the most wonderful gift she gave me was the feather which just appeared on her knee as she interceded for me during the initial surgery. Thank you, Dear, I Love you!!!
·
· How Jesus takes a stormy situation and gives peace in the midst of it! I Love you, Friend!!!
·
· A special thanks to P. Thom who encouraged me previous to Wednesday's surgery with the story of how Jesus healed Peter's mother-in-law. Thank you for sparking my "holy imagination," which manifested physically as increased strength the next day. Bless you, P. Thom!!!
·
· The awesome way God created our bodies...I took a sample from my drain (I know, gross), and observed it under our microscope. I identified red blood cells, white blood cells, and even saw what I believe to be the infecting bacteria (I used gloves), which looks like a "spike ball." I took digital pictures and in one shot, I saw two white blood cells surrounding the "spike ball." I'll attach the picture (if you're interested), but your computer may not be able to "read" it.
Prayer Requests:
· No more infections!!!
·
· That this current infection would be eradicated completely and quickly.
·
· I want the JP drain out as soon as possible; it hurts!
·
· I want to go back to work, not only for the income, but I miss my co-workers, and the kids! Right now, I am considered "totally incapacitated." for two weeks. :(
·
· I haven't received the results of the genetic testing yet, and when I do, I want God's path for me to be completely apparent!
·
· Peace and strength for Strongman as he works to provide for our family, while he continues to "nurse" me back to health!
Thank you all for standing with me. I Love to witness the Body of Christ rising up as one and feel honored to be a part of a Bride, whose eyes are fixed on Her Beloved and then responds with His heart!!!
Which Much Love and Appreciation ALWAYS,
Beautiful Grace
Wednesday's surgery went well. The expander was removed, the incision was cleaned up, and a sample of the fluid was extracted in order to determine the infecting organism. This hospitalization was one of great favor and blessing for me!
On Wednesday into Thursday, I didn't get much sleep because of all the vital signs which needed assessed, so instead of actually sleeping, I put on my CD headset and worshipped all night! At some point during the night, I met a nursing assistant, Marcos, from Brazil. He couldn't pronounce my name with his Portuguese accent, but it was awesome the way he said it. Randomly, he told me what my name meant in Portuguese. Bella refers, not to physical beauty, but to a "beautiful heart." He said, "You know, like King David in the Bible?" Then he told me Ann comes from the name Hannah, which means "chosen one." He then referred to Hannah who cried out to God, and He chose her to be the mother of Samuel. For all of you that know me well, you know how I responded. ;)
Multiple Praises:
· I had only slight nausea after the surgery, which quickly resolved.
·
· My pain is confined to the insertion site of the drain and is being controlled with ibuprofen and talwin; I am NOT sick from the pain relievers, just a little more loopy and tired than normal. :)
·
· I was able to advise my nightshift nurse, who is currently looking for a church to attend. :)
·
· I no longer feel sick, and the incision site will be "pretty" once it is healed!!!
·
· I continue on antibiotics for the infection, which looks better each day!
·
· I received a card with some money in it. No signed name, no return address. Thank you! What a mysterious blessing!
·
· My surgeon gave me the ok to start walking as tolerated!
·
· I have a wonderful friend who did grocery shopping for me, then refused to let me pay her. She then helped chop veggies for supper and fold wash with me as we visited, but the most wonderful gift she gave me was the feather which just appeared on her knee as she interceded for me during the initial surgery. Thank you, Dear, I Love you!!!
·
· How Jesus takes a stormy situation and gives peace in the midst of it! I Love you, Friend!!!
·
· A special thanks to P. Thom who encouraged me previous to Wednesday's surgery with the story of how Jesus healed Peter's mother-in-law. Thank you for sparking my "holy imagination," which manifested physically as increased strength the next day. Bless you, P. Thom!!!
·
· The awesome way God created our bodies...I took a sample from my drain (I know, gross), and observed it under our microscope. I identified red blood cells, white blood cells, and even saw what I believe to be the infecting bacteria (I used gloves), which looks like a "spike ball." I took digital pictures and in one shot, I saw two white blood cells surrounding the "spike ball." I'll attach the picture (if you're interested), but your computer may not be able to "read" it.
Prayer Requests:
· No more infections!!!
·
· That this current infection would be eradicated completely and quickly.
·
· I want the JP drain out as soon as possible; it hurts!
·
· I want to go back to work, not only for the income, but I miss my co-workers, and the kids! Right now, I am considered "totally incapacitated." for two weeks. :(
·
· I haven't received the results of the genetic testing yet, and when I do, I want God's path for me to be completely apparent!
·
· Peace and strength for Strongman as he works to provide for our family, while he continues to "nurse" me back to health!
Thank you all for standing with me. I Love to witness the Body of Christ rising up as one and feel honored to be a part of a Bride, whose eyes are fixed on Her Beloved and then responds with His heart!!!
Which Much Love and Appreciation ALWAYS,
Beautiful Grace
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Mountain Removal: Surgery
Friends,
Surgery scheduled for today at ~ 1:00 pm. Thank you for any prayers you offer on my behalf.
Love you ALL!
Beautiful Grace
Surgery scheduled for today at ~ 1:00 pm. Thank you for any prayers you offer on my behalf.
Love you ALL!
Beautiful Grace
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
When Circumstances Knock Us Down, We Will Get Back Up in the Power of Jesus!
Dear Friends,
The beginning of this week was rough for me. Starting Monday night at 7 pm until 1 am Tuesday morning, I had severe chills and nausea. Tony piled comforters on me, but I didn't actually warm up until 4 am. Tuesday morning my temperature spiked to 102 F combined with severe weakness, body muscle aches, and nausea. I'd like to say I was brave about the whole thing, but I was so weak at one point that I couldn't even get off the recliner, and I cried like a baby. The family practice physician's assistant was sure cellulitis (infection in the fluid between the cells in the body) had begun on my left side. He started me on antibiotics and told me if I was not improved by Friday that I would need to be hospitalized. I saw the plastic surgeon yesterday and he concurred with the original diagnosis and treatment.
Both medical practitioners, multiple friends, and family have advised me to take it easy and rest. Rest seems to be the place where God is calling us, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I really didn't feel I was overdoing it. Actually, I had been feeling great.
Many Praises for Jesus:
· The infection stirred up those nasty chest spasms on the left side, BUT last night I slept in bed spasm free the whole night! :)
· My fever has resolved. I have returned to my "normal" subnormal body temperature. My strength is returning. Yay, Jesus!
· On Tuesday, I literally was a wreck, emotionally and physically. I wept and cried out for Jesus. Peace flooded my soul as I worshipped Jesus in my sickness. Jesus, You are my Best Friend!!!
· I praise God for my Fire, who literally completed his school work while tending to me. I Love you, Fire!
· I am thankful for Pastor B. who prayed for me over the phone. You are a blessing to many, Pastor B.!
· For Hillside's faithful prayer chain organizer, Barbara L. who called the prayer warriors together to pray on my behalf.
· Out of concern, my friend, Faithful Intercessor, called to check on me. Dear, you consider others before yourself. You have the heart of Jesus!
· I am thankful my parents were available to drive me to my Tuesday doctor's appointment (Strongman was working close to Maryland). I Love you Mom and Dad!
· Early Tuesday morning, I couldn't take laying flat in bed any longer, so I got up to sleep on the recliner. My faithful husband insisted on sleeping next to me, just in case I needed him. Strongman, you truly show me Love in times better and worse! I do Love you!
· The left side incision becomes more shallow every day!
· I was approved for desk work at my place of employment on Tuesday!
· For ALL who continue to pray for and encourage me. You are gifts from God!!!
· I was free from nausea all day today and actually was hungry for lunch!
Continued Prayer:
· Complete eradication of the left breast infection
· Complete closure of the incision on the left side without an "overgrowth" of new tissue, which is unhealthy
· That the swelling on my left side would resolve quickly
· That no matter how my physical body feels, all emotions would be directed to the only One Who can help me
· That the Holy Spirit would teach me how to rest physically, emotionally and spiritually, no matter the circumstances surrounding me
· For continued guidance on all decisions and treatment options laid before me
· I will trust in You, Jesus. I will not trust in the horses and chariots of men. Teach me what that means Lord.
· That I would heal quickly, so I can get back to work.
I've been thinking about my emotional state on Tuesday. At first, I considered myself a wimp (satan's lie). The truth is I am more than a conqueror and a formidable warrior with Jesus on my side. Tears are not a sign of lack of faith, but are as Charles Spurgeon said, "liquid prayer" when directed to Jesus!!!
I appreciate and Love every one of you!!!
Most sincerely in Jesus,
Beautiful Grace
Thought for today:
Lucy: "I knew it was You, the whole time. I knew it, but the others didn't believe me."
Aslan: "And why would that stop you from coming to Me?"
(From the Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian)
Does the unbelief of others ever stop us from "Coming to Jesus?"
The beginning of this week was rough for me. Starting Monday night at 7 pm until 1 am Tuesday morning, I had severe chills and nausea. Tony piled comforters on me, but I didn't actually warm up until 4 am. Tuesday morning my temperature spiked to 102 F combined with severe weakness, body muscle aches, and nausea. I'd like to say I was brave about the whole thing, but I was so weak at one point that I couldn't even get off the recliner, and I cried like a baby. The family practice physician's assistant was sure cellulitis (infection in the fluid between the cells in the body) had begun on my left side. He started me on antibiotics and told me if I was not improved by Friday that I would need to be hospitalized. I saw the plastic surgeon yesterday and he concurred with the original diagnosis and treatment.
Both medical practitioners, multiple friends, and family have advised me to take it easy and rest. Rest seems to be the place where God is calling us, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I really didn't feel I was overdoing it. Actually, I had been feeling great.
Many Praises for Jesus:
· The infection stirred up those nasty chest spasms on the left side, BUT last night I slept in bed spasm free the whole night! :)
· My fever has resolved. I have returned to my "normal" subnormal body temperature. My strength is returning. Yay, Jesus!
· On Tuesday, I literally was a wreck, emotionally and physically. I wept and cried out for Jesus. Peace flooded my soul as I worshipped Jesus in my sickness. Jesus, You are my Best Friend!!!
· I praise God for my Fire, who literally completed his school work while tending to me. I Love you, Fire!
· I am thankful for Pastor B. who prayed for me over the phone. You are a blessing to many, Pastor B.!
· For Hillside's faithful prayer chain organizer, Barbara L. who called the prayer warriors together to pray on my behalf.
· Out of concern, my friend, Faithful Intercessor, called to check on me. Dear, you consider others before yourself. You have the heart of Jesus!
· I am thankful my parents were available to drive me to my Tuesday doctor's appointment (Strongman was working close to Maryland). I Love you Mom and Dad!
· Early Tuesday morning, I couldn't take laying flat in bed any longer, so I got up to sleep on the recliner. My faithful husband insisted on sleeping next to me, just in case I needed him. Strongman, you truly show me Love in times better and worse! I do Love you!
· The left side incision becomes more shallow every day!
· I was approved for desk work at my place of employment on Tuesday!
· For ALL who continue to pray for and encourage me. You are gifts from God!!!
· I was free from nausea all day today and actually was hungry for lunch!
Continued Prayer:
· Complete eradication of the left breast infection
· Complete closure of the incision on the left side without an "overgrowth" of new tissue, which is unhealthy
· That the swelling on my left side would resolve quickly
· That no matter how my physical body feels, all emotions would be directed to the only One Who can help me
· That the Holy Spirit would teach me how to rest physically, emotionally and spiritually, no matter the circumstances surrounding me
· For continued guidance on all decisions and treatment options laid before me
· I will trust in You, Jesus. I will not trust in the horses and chariots of men. Teach me what that means Lord.
· That I would heal quickly, so I can get back to work.
I've been thinking about my emotional state on Tuesday. At first, I considered myself a wimp (satan's lie). The truth is I am more than a conqueror and a formidable warrior with Jesus on my side. Tears are not a sign of lack of faith, but are as Charles Spurgeon said, "liquid prayer" when directed to Jesus!!!
I appreciate and Love every one of you!!!
Most sincerely in Jesus,
Beautiful Grace
Thought for today:
Lucy: "I knew it was You, the whole time. I knew it, but the others didn't believe me."
Aslan: "And why would that stop you from coming to Me?"
(From the Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian)
Does the unbelief of others ever stop us from "Coming to Jesus?"
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Mountain Removal: Following the Prince of Peace
Dear Friends,
The shell of necrotic tissue has fallen off, and the remaining tissue under it is pink and healthy! It reminds me of how in the purification process of gold, the dross or the (dead) worthless stuff comes to the surface of the gold to be skimmed. The necrotic tissue is the dross being skimmed off of my body to reveal the healthy tissue.
I saw the plastic surgeon on Wednesday, and he approved for me to return to work on "desk duty" and half shifts! Yay, Jesus!!! The doctor told me if I can tolerate the half shifts, I may increase to full shifts. The sticking point is still the incision on the left side. It definitely is healing, but still needs much more. The right side looks great! Praise, Praise, Praise!!!
Physically, I feel better in some ways than prior to the surgery, as I have begun an exercise program, which is no longer an option in my life. Ladies, do you know that,
Every year a pair of doves nest somewhere near our deck, and that encourages me, because doves symbolize the Holy Spirit. Earlier that morning, I was in my kitchen, praying in the Spirit, prior to my teary episode, and thought I heard a coo. A little later, as I changed the left dressing, I sang..."If our God is for us, then who could stand against us." Loudly and distinctly, I heard three coos! Praise, My God, Who IS for (us) me!!!! God touched me first and then reminded me of that beautiful episode, when I needed it. Praise be to my God Who is the Best Encourager a person could have!!!
I am awaiting the oncotype dx test results, but already feel in my heart what to do next. I must follow peace, because Jesus is the Prince of Peace!!! Whatever treatments are recommended, my heart must be at peace, or I will not agree. So far it is not in my heart to take Tamoxifen, which the oncologist says I need. I have been praying for my Abba Father to make Himself absolutely clear about how to proceed, and I believe my earthly Daddy was his mouth piece when he said, *"Beautiful Grace, Jesus is in your heart. I'd follow my heart." I really Love both of my Daddies!!!! :)
Thank you all again for praying and caring!
With Much Love ALWAYS...
Beautiful Grace:)
PS *Dad used my real name, not my screen name. :)
The shell of necrotic tissue has fallen off, and the remaining tissue under it is pink and healthy! It reminds me of how in the purification process of gold, the dross or the (dead) worthless stuff comes to the surface of the gold to be skimmed. The necrotic tissue is the dross being skimmed off of my body to reveal the healthy tissue.
I continue to pray for the area, against infection. At this point the incision is still very nasty looking. In the physical, the scarring on the left will be much more significant than the right side, BUT my Jesus can take care of that too!!! I think it was Rick Joyner's book, The Call, where he describes the warriors who were scarred from the battle. In his vision/dream he watched God's glory pouring out like brilliant gold from those scars making them marks of honor!!!! My son, Christian, has a warrior spirit. He sets a fine example for me to follow, and he thinks the scars are cool, because of its warrior significance!!!
I saw the plastic surgeon on Wednesday, and he approved for me to return to work on "desk duty" and half shifts! Yay, Jesus!!! The doctor told me if I can tolerate the half shifts, I may increase to full shifts. The sticking point is still the incision on the left side. It definitely is healing, but still needs much more. The right side looks great! Praise, Praise, Praise!!!
Physically, I feel better in some ways than prior to the surgery, as I have begun an exercise program, which is no longer an option in my life. Ladies, do you know that,
I also, am changing my eating habits. Definitely, more fruit and veggies, whole grains and less meat for this gal!!!"Studies show that exercise reduces breast cancer risk. The only question is how much exercise is needed. One study found that as little as 1 hour and 15 minutes to 2½ hours of brisk walking per week reduced the risk by 18%. Walking 10 hours a week reduced the risk a little more. The American Cancer Society suggests that you exercise for 45 to 60 minutes 5 or more days a week."
Emotionally, I am also doing very well. I had a mild teary episode earlier this week when Tony and I tried to make sense of all the bills pouring into our mailbox, but the Lord quickly soothed me reminding of the beautiful experience I had just about an hour earlier.
Every year a pair of doves nest somewhere near our deck, and that encourages me, because doves symbolize the Holy Spirit. Earlier that morning, I was in my kitchen, praying in the Spirit, prior to my teary episode, and thought I heard a coo. A little later, as I changed the left dressing, I sang..."If our God is for us, then who could stand against us." Loudly and distinctly, I heard three coos! Praise, My God, Who IS for (us) me!!!! God touched me first and then reminded me of that beautiful episode, when I needed it. Praise be to my God Who is the Best Encourager a person could have!!!
Thank you all again for praying and caring!
With Much Love ALWAYS...
PS *Dad used my real name, not my screen name. :)
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Mountain Removal: "The Death Angel has Passed Over, Celebrate!"
Dear Persevering and Anointed Friends,
Yesterday, two specialists gave their opinions regarding my current "trial."
During the first appointment, the plastic surgeon looked at my left graft site and declared quietly, that it was dead, and I would lose it. Last Wednesday, my breast surgeon apologized several times, saying that she was sorry, but that the tissue was dead and will be lost. By all medical accounts, this tissue is dead. The medical term for dead tissue is termed necrosis. Necrotic tissue is black, hard, immovable...lifeless. As a nurse, looking at the tissue with physical eyes, I agree with their assessment, BUT I have been declaring life over this dead tissue. If Jesus can raise a dead man (Lazarus), why can't He bring life to a little bit of dead tissue?
Since last week, I have seen this dead tissue puff back up, and am now even seeing pink, healthy tissue at its base and up the side. Yes, God still needs to bring this dead tissue life, but I am seeing the first fruits of declaring life!!!! Praise be to my Beautiful Friend!!!!
Hebrews 11:1 (New King James Version)
During the second appointment, the oncologist interpreted the pathology reports on the tissue taken from the left breast in detail. Apparently, the previously unknown cancer is fed by my own estrogen, progesterone, and HER-2/NEU (a genetic mutation of the human growth hormone). The doctor is questioning the HER-2/NEU positive status, because it is generally not seen in this type of cancer, and dramatically changes the course of his recommended treatment. The cancer tissue has been sent to California for specific testing of its 21 genes, one of which is the HER-2/NEU.
If, indeed, the tissue is HER-2/NEU positive, then the new biolytic agent known as Herceptin will be prescribed. After sharing my research on this drug with Strongman, his response was, "Yea, real nice stuff. Sounds like something I would give to off someone." (See link for information on why Strongman said this).
Out of curiosity, the doctor asked how I came to decide to have the left breast removed. I repeated to him, what I typed above and also, said I was not at peace with the Tamoxifen treatment. His respectful reply, "That's not logical." I quietly replied, "Faith isn't always logical." I think this shook him a little, because He whole-heartedly believes I need to take Tamoxifen (See link for information on why I am uncomfortable with this).
Chemotherapy...the cancer they found was 6 mm (very tiny), but invasive in that it had broken through the milk duct into the surrounding tissue where it could have had contact with my bloodstream, possibly sending rogue cancer cells any where else in my body. Chemotherapy is generally not recommended is for cancer 6 mm or less, the HER-2/NEU status will play an important part in the doctor's recommendation for or against chemotherapy.
The "incidental" finding of cancer in this tissue, was definitely a God-ordained act. It was God who gave me peace to go with the bilateral mastectomy. I listened to the doctors, prayed, and had MANY praying for me, and came to a decision based on peace. We all know why God led the way to the double mastectomy; to remove the unknown cancer and to make His glory to be made manifest through me.
Obviously, please pray that the staining test (a very subjective test) used to determine the original HER-2/NEU status was inaccurate and that on the genetic level (more precise) the Her 2 status would be NEGATIVE.
Wouldn't it be awesome if the California genetic pathologists would determine that the cells are actually benign? The mucinous cell can either be benign (non-cancerous) or malignant (cancerous). If my oncologist questions the validity of the HER-2/NEU positive status, why not let's find out that the actual cancer diagnosis is incorrect. Let's pray it into reality!!!
Continue to declare life from death for the tissue in question the left side, I am seeing life return!!! Praise the Lord Who holds me in the palm of His hand!!!!
Wisdom and continued peace. Also, for God to make each step and responsibility of my healing apparent. I want Him to make all decisions regarding my whole life, not only this small part of it!!! My desire is to co-operate with Him, not blindly live my life by human wisdom.
I had a rough night of intense chest muscle spasms Sunday night into Monday. I was feeling so good on Sunday, that I only took one muscle spasm pill instead of the normal four. The med I am on should be weaned off slowly, not cold turkey, and as a nurse I should have know better. :( On Monday, I was drained, tired, and very sore from the previous night, which affected me emotionally.
The best part...PRAISES!!!!!
My dear and true friend Patti B. prayed for me on Monday as I shared my heart and my physical pain with her. She declared life and healing. And even after viewing the dead tissue (she's a nurse too), refused to believe in what she saw physically and continued to stand with me for life from death. How much better a friend can a person have? :)
Since Monday, the pink tissue is increasing and is overtaking the necrotic tissue...yea, Life overcomes death!!!!
I am thoroughly enjoying home schooling my Fire (who sets a warrior example for me) without the pressure to get done before leaving for work. Sorry, PPI friends; I do Love you though!!!!
I am worshipping Jesus freely with my whole body; I have no limitations and complete range of motion, which continues to surprise every doctor I see.
The Lord has continued to open up doors for me in order to encourage others going through similar circumstances. I even have made contact with a lovely lady from Florida who just had brain surgery. Many of you may not know that I had brain surgery 23 years ago. That particular trial and how God guided me through is still encouraging people 23 years later. PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE!!!
Yesterday, I received an email from Chuck Pierce regarding Passover and the statement, "Passing over into a season of Triumph!" Immediately I heard, "The Death Angel has passed over you. Celebrate!" I proceeded to call my friend Lori N. and ask if we could celebrate the Passover Feast with her family in April. Lori said, "Yes!" :)
Last night, I slept in my bed for the first time since my surgery, freely moving on my back and from side to side without one single chest muscle spasm. YES!!!!
I continued to be overwhelmed (in a good way) by the Love, support (emotional and physical) and prayers by friends, family, the Body of Christ (through many churches in unity) and people from my community and the world (through my Internet connections).
I marvel at how God takes a difficult situation and uses it to propel us into our destiny. For months preceding the diagnosis, I prayed for God to stir up my heart's embers of passion for Him and for His people again. He answered my prayer. Oh, how I Love Your ways, Abba!!!!
I praise God for discovering like-minded, passionate lovers of Jesus through this trial by fire. I am blessed by you!!! (Elise J.)
For those of you who read these updates with struggles of your own, please be encouraged! There is a God Who cares about everything that hurts you. He desires for you to open Your heart to His great Love for you. I am a living testimony to what His Love can accomplish!!! I will be forever grateful...Thank You, Jesus!
With Much Love ALWAYS...
Beautiful Grace :)
Yesterday, two specialists gave their opinions regarding my current "trial."
During the first appointment, the plastic surgeon looked at my left graft site and declared quietly, that it was dead, and I would lose it. Last Wednesday, my breast surgeon apologized several times, saying that she was sorry, but that the tissue was dead and will be lost. By all medical accounts, this tissue is dead. The medical term for dead tissue is termed necrosis. Necrotic tissue is black, hard, immovable...lifeless. As a nurse, looking at the tissue with physical eyes, I agree with their assessment, BUT I have been declaring life over this dead tissue. If Jesus can raise a dead man (Lazarus), why can't He bring life to a little bit of dead tissue?
Since last week, I have seen this dead tissue puff back up, and am now even seeing pink, healthy tissue at its base and up the side. Yes, God still needs to bring this dead tissue life, but I am seeing the first fruits of declaring life!!!! Praise be to my Beautiful Friend!!!!
Hebrews 11:1 (New King James Version)
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
If, indeed, the tissue is HER-2/NEU positive, then the new biolytic agent known as Herceptin will be prescribed. After sharing my research on this drug with Strongman, his response was, "Yea, real nice stuff. Sounds like something I would give to off someone." (See link for information on why Strongman said this).
Out of curiosity, the doctor asked how I came to decide to have the left breast removed. I repeated to him, what I typed above and also, said I was not at peace with the Tamoxifen treatment. His respectful reply, "That's not logical." I quietly replied, "Faith isn't always logical." I think this shook him a little, because He whole-heartedly believes I need to take Tamoxifen (See link for information on why I am uncomfortable with this).
Chemotherapy...the cancer they found was 6 mm (very tiny), but invasive in that it had broken through the milk duct into the surrounding tissue where it could have had contact with my bloodstream, possibly sending rogue cancer cells any where else in my body. Chemotherapy is generally not recommended is for cancer 6 mm or less, the HER-2/NEU status will play an important part in the doctor's recommendation for or against chemotherapy.
The "incidental" finding of cancer in this tissue, was definitely a God-ordained act. It was God who gave me peace to go with the bilateral mastectomy. I listened to the doctors, prayed, and had MANY praying for me, and came to a decision based on peace. We all know why God led the way to the double mastectomy; to remove the unknown cancer and to make His glory to be made manifest through me.
Obviously, please pray that the staining test (a very subjective test) used to determine the original HER-2/NEU status was inaccurate and that on the genetic level (more precise) the Her 2 status would be NEGATIVE.
Wouldn't it be awesome if the California genetic pathologists would determine that the cells are actually benign? The mucinous cell can either be benign (non-cancerous) or malignant (cancerous). If my oncologist questions the validity of the HER-2/NEU positive status, why not let's find out that the actual cancer diagnosis is incorrect. Let's pray it into reality!!!
Continue to declare life from death for the tissue in question the left side, I am seeing life return!!! Praise the Lord Who holds me in the palm of His hand!!!!
Wisdom and continued peace. Also, for God to make each step and responsibility of my healing apparent. I want Him to make all decisions regarding my whole life, not only this small part of it!!! My desire is to co-operate with Him, not blindly live my life by human wisdom.
I had a rough night of intense chest muscle spasms Sunday night into Monday. I was feeling so good on Sunday, that I only took one muscle spasm pill instead of the normal four. The med I am on should be weaned off slowly, not cold turkey, and as a nurse I should have know better. :( On Monday, I was drained, tired, and very sore from the previous night, which affected me emotionally.
The best part...PRAISES!!!!!
My dear and true friend Patti B. prayed for me on Monday as I shared my heart and my physical pain with her. She declared life and healing. And even after viewing the dead tissue (she's a nurse too), refused to believe in what she saw physically and continued to stand with me for life from death. How much better a friend can a person have? :)
Since Monday, the pink tissue is increasing and is overtaking the necrotic tissue...yea, Life overcomes death!!!!
I am thoroughly enjoying home schooling my Fire (who sets a warrior example for me) without the pressure to get done before leaving for work. Sorry, PPI friends; I do Love you though!!!!
I am worshipping Jesus freely with my whole body; I have no limitations and complete range of motion, which continues to surprise every doctor I see.
The Lord has continued to open up doors for me in order to encourage others going through similar circumstances. I even have made contact with a lovely lady from Florida who just had brain surgery. Many of you may not know that I had brain surgery 23 years ago. That particular trial and how God guided me through is still encouraging people 23 years later. PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE!!!
Yesterday, I received an email from Chuck Pierce regarding Passover and the statement, "Passing over into a season of Triumph!" Immediately I heard, "The Death Angel has passed over you. Celebrate!" I proceeded to call my friend Lori N. and ask if we could celebrate the Passover Feast with her family in April. Lori said, "Yes!" :)
Last night, I slept in my bed for the first time since my surgery, freely moving on my back and from side to side without one single chest muscle spasm. YES!!!!
I continued to be overwhelmed (in a good way) by the Love, support (emotional and physical) and prayers by friends, family, the Body of Christ (through many churches in unity) and people from my community and the world (through my Internet connections).
I marvel at how God takes a difficult situation and uses it to propel us into our destiny. For months preceding the diagnosis, I prayed for God to stir up my heart's embers of passion for Him and for His people again. He answered my prayer. Oh, how I Love Your ways, Abba!!!!
I praise God for discovering like-minded, passionate lovers of Jesus through this trial by fire. I am blessed by you!!! (Elise J.)
For those of you who read these updates with struggles of your own, please be encouraged! There is a God Who cares about everything that hurts you. He desires for you to open Your heart to His great Love for you. I am a living testimony to what His Love can accomplish!!! I will be forever grateful...Thank You, Jesus!
With Much Love ALWAYS...
Beautiful Grace :)
Friday, February 18, 2011
Mountain Removal: Glass Half Full?
Dear Precious and Appreciated Friends,
Do you live your life seeing it as a glass half empty or do you live as though the glass of live is half full? This was the conversation I had with the women employed by my plastic surgeon on Wednesday. One of the women remarked, "You have a really good attitude about all of this." I responded, "I try to look at life as a glass half full with the help of Jesus." Little did I know, testing of my half full statement was soon to begin.
The next stop was my postoperative visit to my breast surgeon. She asked me to raise my arms above my head, which I did, and then I went through all possible range of motions with my arms/shoulders to which she responded with surprised eyes, "Amazing!" Remember, post bilateral mastectomy patients should not be able to regain full range of motion for weeks to months after the procedure. I did have a little help from my Friend, though! :) Thank You, Jesus!!!! I praise and honor You for how You care for me!!!!
The surgeon then proceeded to explain the pathology report from the surgery. As expected, cancer was found in the right breast, but ONLY in the area identified by the biopsy with No lymph node involvement!!! Thank You, my Beautiful Friend!!!
Then she began to explain the findings of the left breast pathology report. Remember, having the left breast removed was a prophylactic (elective) procedure due to the chance of cancer forming at a later date and my choice of not undergoing Tamoxifen therapy. An "incidental" finding was invasive mucinous carcinoma (extremely rare cancer) on that side as well. Since this cancer was not expected, no sentinel node test had been performed so the extent of metastasis (spread) is undetermined. The pathologist was unwilling to definitively document a "clean margin," meaning confirming the cancer was not close to the healthy tissue line. The surgeon read my face as she revisited the idea of Tamoxifen therapy as well as possible chemotherapy and now the need to see an oncologist. Friends, I will be honest, my awesome peace was attacked in that moment. The surgeon then pointed her finger toward Heaven and said, "Apparently, there is Someone looking out for you."
As the surgeon left the exam room, I began to get dressed, and with tears in my eyes, I said to Strongman, "I'm not leaving this room until I get my peace back!" I began to thank Jesus, my Friend, for the fact that the cancer was already removed, and thanking Him for granting me supernatural peace throughout this "ordeal." I felt Him minister to my emotions as I reported to the desk to make more appointments.
Strongman and I then went to the mall for lunch. While using the ladies' room, the Lord reminded me of the earlier conversation with the women at the plastic surgeon's office. Glass half full? I thought to myself. Then God broke in saying, "Not a glass half full; you are a cup running over." Thank You, Jesus, for Your encouragement at just the perfect time!!!! I Love You!!!!!!
Psalm 23:5 (Amplified Bible)
Please pray:
· ... that I would maintain supernatural peace, enabling me to continue to hear His voice directing my path, and also, so that I can continue to be a witness to others during this "trial."
· I know many of you on this list are prophetically gifted!!! PLEASE as you intercede on my behalf, if you hear the Lord's direction as to my next step, share it with me. I believe I am "mature" enough in the Lord to discern His voice through others, but I desire confirmations as to what I already feel in my heart. :)
· Continue to pray against infection, especially for the left graft site.
· Nights can be difficult. I still cannot sleep in a "normal" recumbent (laying flat) position. In addition, I still at times have some, let's say, intense chest muscle cramping at night.
· Genetic testing is highly being recommended. I am wary about genetic testing because although the HIPAA law protects my results, if I would be BRCA positive, then my sons would also "need" testing. If they would be positive, they would be ineligible for health or life insurance. Did you know that men also could develop breast cancer?
· BRCA positive women also have a 47% chance of developing ovarian cancer.
In spiritual circles, there has been the phrase coined, "You're going on a demon hunt." I do not want to fall into that trap. My desire to see Jesus, in all of His glory, and then live with His glory emanating from me. All of this other "stuff" is a distraction, and I am sick of it!!! Fear will NOT stop me from speaking about my Beautiful One!!!! Fear will NOT pressure me into treatments and tests. Only the Spirit of the Living God will lead me!!!
No longer will I live looking at life, positively, as a glass half full! I will live my life as God has spoken, as a cup running over!!! I would encourage all of you to do the same!!!! As Christians, our destiny is to be running over with the power, the Presence, and Love of the One True, Living God!!!!! AND our call is to "run over" onto all we meet!!!!
I Love you ALL in Jesus!!!
With Much Love ALWAYS...
Beautiful Grace :)
Do you live your life seeing it as a glass half empty or do you live as though the glass of live is half full? This was the conversation I had with the women employed by my plastic surgeon on Wednesday. One of the women remarked, "You have a really good attitude about all of this." I responded, "I try to look at life as a glass half full with the help of Jesus." Little did I know, testing of my half full statement was soon to begin.
The next stop was my postoperative visit to my breast surgeon. She asked me to raise my arms above my head, which I did, and then I went through all possible range of motions with my arms/shoulders to which she responded with surprised eyes, "Amazing!" Remember, post bilateral mastectomy patients should not be able to regain full range of motion for weeks to months after the procedure. I did have a little help from my Friend, though! :) Thank You, Jesus!!!! I praise and honor You for how You care for me!!!!
The surgeon then proceeded to explain the pathology report from the surgery. As expected, cancer was found in the right breast, but ONLY in the area identified by the biopsy with No lymph node involvement!!! Thank You, my Beautiful Friend!!!
Then she began to explain the findings of the left breast pathology report. Remember, having the left breast removed was a prophylactic (elective) procedure due to the chance of cancer forming at a later date and my choice of not undergoing Tamoxifen therapy. An "incidental" finding was invasive mucinous carcinoma (extremely rare cancer) on that side as well. Since this cancer was not expected, no sentinel node test had been performed so the extent of metastasis (spread) is undetermined. The pathologist was unwilling to definitively document a "clean margin," meaning confirming the cancer was not close to the healthy tissue line. The surgeon read my face as she revisited the idea of Tamoxifen therapy as well as possible chemotherapy and now the need to see an oncologist. Friends, I will be honest, my awesome peace was attacked in that moment. The surgeon then pointed her finger toward Heaven and said, "Apparently, there is Someone looking out for you."
As the surgeon left the exam room, I began to get dressed, and with tears in my eyes, I said to Strongman, "I'm not leaving this room until I get my peace back!" I began to thank Jesus, my Friend, for the fact that the cancer was already removed, and thanking Him for granting me supernatural peace throughout this "ordeal." I felt Him minister to my emotions as I reported to the desk to make more appointments.
Strongman and I then went to the mall for lunch. While using the ladies' room, the Lord reminded me of the earlier conversation with the women at the plastic surgeon's office. Glass half full? I thought to myself. Then God broke in saying, "Not a glass half full; you are a cup running over." Thank You, Jesus, for Your encouragement at just the perfect time!!!! I Love You!!!!!!
Psalm 23:5 (Amplified Bible)
"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with [a]oil; my [brimming] cup runs over."
Please pray:
· ... that I would maintain supernatural peace, enabling me to continue to hear His voice directing my path, and also, so that I can continue to be a witness to others during this "trial."
· I know many of you on this list are prophetically gifted!!! PLEASE as you intercede on my behalf, if you hear the Lord's direction as to my next step, share it with me. I believe I am "mature" enough in the Lord to discern His voice through others, but I desire confirmations as to what I already feel in my heart. :)
· Continue to pray against infection, especially for the left graft site.
· Nights can be difficult. I still cannot sleep in a "normal" recumbent (laying flat) position. In addition, I still at times have some, let's say, intense chest muscle cramping at night.
· Genetic testing is highly being recommended. I am wary about genetic testing because although the HIPAA law protects my results, if I would be BRCA positive, then my sons would also "need" testing. If they would be positive, they would be ineligible for health or life insurance. Did you know that men also could develop breast cancer?
· BRCA positive women also have a 47% chance of developing ovarian cancer.
In spiritual circles, there has been the phrase coined, "You're going on a demon hunt." I do not want to fall into that trap. My desire to see Jesus, in all of His glory, and then live with His glory emanating from me. All of this other "stuff" is a distraction, and I am sick of it!!! Fear will NOT stop me from speaking about my Beautiful One!!!! Fear will NOT pressure me into treatments and tests. Only the Spirit of the Living God will lead me!!!
No longer will I live looking at life, positively, as a glass half full! I will live my life as God has spoken, as a cup running over!!! I would encourage all of you to do the same!!!! As Christians, our destiny is to be running over with the power, the Presence, and Love of the One True, Living God!!!!! AND our call is to "run over" onto all we meet!!!!
I Love you ALL in Jesus!!!
With Much Love ALWAYS...
Beautiful Grace :)
Monday, February 14, 2011
Mountain Removal: Time for a praise update!!!
Dear Friends,
Have you ever felt so grateful and super-loved by Jesus that you have to "force" yourself not to be so overzealous as to not be obnoxious? Well, I have felt that way, especially the last several days!!!
My surgery was Thursday, February 3rd at 7:30 am. One lymph node was removed under my right axilla (armpit), which was determined to be cancer free. Yea, Jesus! I was discharged from the hospital Friday the 4th, feeling fantastic and already was having abnormally (supernaturally) fantastic range of motion in my arms and shoulders!!! By Saturday, though I started becoming lethargic, by Sunday I was not able to keep food or fluids down. I was readmitted to the hospital for emergency IV fluids as my blood pressure was quite low. Low enough that I warned the girl wheeling me to my room that I felt that I could have a seizure. :(
It was determined that narcotic pain relievers and I don't get along very well. No drug addiction future in store for this girl!! I was discharged Monday after I proved I could keep down two meals. Without the narcotics, I became a "new" woman!!!
The type of surgery I underwent is kind of new for the US (my breast surgeon told me I was her first attempt), France has being doing it for years. It's called a skin sparing procedure. Basically, my outside will be roughly the same (less some battle scars, which Fire thinks is cool), but my inside tissue was scooped out. The danger with that type of procedure is that the "skin" may not have enough blood supply to live. I was told the skin had a 30% chance of dying. On Tuesday the 8th, I noticed some blackening on my left side, which of course indicates tissue death. I called my plastic surgeon and saw him first thing on Wednesday the 9th. He admitted that, yes, some of the outer layers of skin will slough off, BUT the tissue underneath is healthy. Again, Praise Jesus!!!! He was so pleased with my progress that he removed the two JP drains, which really helped in improving my previously "alien-like" appearance!
I missed the call from my breast surgeon on Friday, who was going to give me the pathology results of the tissue removed from the surgery. :( The reason I missed her call was that I didn't hear the phone ring. I was worshipping with loud music, dancing with Jesus like I never even had surgery !!! This is the miraculous praise of this e-mail. It is medically not possible to have regained full range of motion that quickly after a double mastectomy. Can you understand now why the zeal and passion I feel for Jesus has been uncontained?
The doctor left a message saying she would call me over the weekend or on Monday, so I'll fill you in when I get the report. (I know it will be a good one!)
My discomfort is being controlled by alternating Tylenol and ibuprofen. I am down to 1/4 of the normal dose twice a day of Valium to control the chest spasms. The reconstructive process is kind of rough on the chest muscles as a foreign object is shoved underneath them.
I specifically want to honor my husband as he helped me with everything I needed in the beginning from sweeping the floor to seeing that I was eating and drinking to sleeping the floor next to the couch in case I needed him during the night to give me my meds, empty my drains and help me walk to the bathroom. He's bathed me, prayed for me, always tells me I'm beautiful and loves me unconditionally. I knew there was some reason I married the guy! :)
My sons were right by my side holding my hand during my drugged out on narcotics episode. Children are a gift from God!!!
A special thank you, to my "Baby Bro," who stayed with Strongman during the surgery (thanks Lovely Sissy Simply Beautiful for sharing him with us). Also, a huge thank you to Pastor B. who was with me after the recovery room. She held my hand and prayed for me. I will forever be grateful!!! I am told that as I awoke, I talked even more than usual!!! Apparently, I talked about Jesus and then gave a psychological analysis of Romeo (from Shakespeare's, Romeo and Juliet). The problem was that Tony said it got a little obnoxious after repeating myself five times. OOPS, SORRY!!! The next morning my night shift nurse told me she never had anyone give her a literature lecture after awaking from anesthesia. :)
I want to thank you all for praying, speaking words of life, feeding my family, Loving and just plain old caring about me and my family. At times, I have cried uncontrollably (thank you, iBeJulio's Momma) at the overwhelming Love I have been receiving from you all, and at other times, I have laughed uncontrollably due to the overflow of blessings received!!! Sometimes I laughed and cried simultaneously! ;)
Best of all, Jesus, My Knight with Eyes of Flaming Fire, has revealed Himself to me in even deeper ways (physically and supernaturally). There is no doubt in my heart that I am His beloved and He is mine!!!!
Because you prayed and supported me, I have walked this "trial" out in supernatural Peace, which has allowed me to touch others for Jesus! You may have prayed for one, but this one's impact on others can only be determined by Heaven, you ALL have a part in that reward!!! I have numerous God stories to share, but then this already lengthy e-mail would morph into a novel. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
With Much Love ALWAYS...
Beautiful Grace :)
Have you ever felt so grateful and super-loved by Jesus that you have to "force" yourself not to be so overzealous as to not be obnoxious? Well, I have felt that way, especially the last several days!!!
My surgery was Thursday, February 3rd at 7:30 am. One lymph node was removed under my right axilla (armpit), which was determined to be cancer free. Yea, Jesus! I was discharged from the hospital Friday the 4th, feeling fantastic and already was having abnormally (supernaturally) fantastic range of motion in my arms and shoulders!!! By Saturday, though I started becoming lethargic, by Sunday I was not able to keep food or fluids down. I was readmitted to the hospital for emergency IV fluids as my blood pressure was quite low. Low enough that I warned the girl wheeling me to my room that I felt that I could have a seizure. :(
It was determined that narcotic pain relievers and I don't get along very well. No drug addiction future in store for this girl!! I was discharged Monday after I proved I could keep down two meals. Without the narcotics, I became a "new" woman!!!
The type of surgery I underwent is kind of new for the US (my breast surgeon told me I was her first attempt), France has being doing it for years. It's called a skin sparing procedure. Basically, my outside will be roughly the same (less some battle scars, which Fire thinks is cool), but my inside tissue was scooped out. The danger with that type of procedure is that the "skin" may not have enough blood supply to live. I was told the skin had a 30% chance of dying. On Tuesday the 8th, I noticed some blackening on my left side, which of course indicates tissue death. I called my plastic surgeon and saw him first thing on Wednesday the 9th. He admitted that, yes, some of the outer layers of skin will slough off, BUT the tissue underneath is healthy. Again, Praise Jesus!!!! He was so pleased with my progress that he removed the two JP drains, which really helped in improving my previously "alien-like" appearance!
I missed the call from my breast surgeon on Friday, who was going to give me the pathology results of the tissue removed from the surgery. :( The reason I missed her call was that I didn't hear the phone ring. I was worshipping with loud music, dancing with Jesus like I never even had surgery !!! This is the miraculous praise of this e-mail. It is medically not possible to have regained full range of motion that quickly after a double mastectomy. Can you understand now why the zeal and passion I feel for Jesus has been uncontained?
The doctor left a message saying she would call me over the weekend or on Monday, so I'll fill you in when I get the report. (I know it will be a good one!)
My discomfort is being controlled by alternating Tylenol and ibuprofen. I am down to 1/4 of the normal dose twice a day of Valium to control the chest spasms. The reconstructive process is kind of rough on the chest muscles as a foreign object is shoved underneath them.
I specifically want to honor my husband as he helped me with everything I needed in the beginning from sweeping the floor to seeing that I was eating and drinking to sleeping the floor next to the couch in case I needed him during the night to give me my meds, empty my drains and help me walk to the bathroom. He's bathed me, prayed for me, always tells me I'm beautiful and loves me unconditionally. I knew there was some reason I married the guy! :)
My sons were right by my side holding my hand during my drugged out on narcotics episode. Children are a gift from God!!!
A special thank you, to my "Baby Bro," who stayed with Strongman during the surgery (thanks Lovely Sissy Simply Beautiful for sharing him with us). Also, a huge thank you to Pastor B. who was with me after the recovery room. She held my hand and prayed for me. I will forever be grateful!!! I am told that as I awoke, I talked even more than usual!!! Apparently, I talked about Jesus and then gave a psychological analysis of Romeo (from Shakespeare's, Romeo and Juliet). The problem was that Tony said it got a little obnoxious after repeating myself five times. OOPS, SORRY!!! The next morning my night shift nurse told me she never had anyone give her a literature lecture after awaking from anesthesia. :)
I want to thank you all for praying, speaking words of life, feeding my family, Loving and just plain old caring about me and my family. At times, I have cried uncontrollably (thank you, iBeJulio's Momma) at the overwhelming Love I have been receiving from you all, and at other times, I have laughed uncontrollably due to the overflow of blessings received!!! Sometimes I laughed and cried simultaneously! ;)
Best of all, Jesus, My Knight with Eyes of Flaming Fire, has revealed Himself to me in even deeper ways (physically and supernaturally). There is no doubt in my heart that I am His beloved and He is mine!!!!
Because you prayed and supported me, I have walked this "trial" out in supernatural Peace, which has allowed me to touch others for Jesus! You may have prayed for one, but this one's impact on others can only be determined by Heaven, you ALL have a part in that reward!!! I have numerous God stories to share, but then this already lengthy e-mail would morph into a novel. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
With Much Love ALWAYS...
Beautiful Grace :)
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Dear, Faithful Friends,
I am not able to do stairs at the moment, but my sweet Strongman has set up a temporary computer system here in my living room. I didn't have all the email addresses, so I hadn't sent out a mass update, but Tony just uploaded my addresses, so here it goes.
In one word...JESUS!!! Surgery went fantastic, the graft appears healthy (yea), the range of motion in my arms is weeks ahead of schedule (can't wait to start dancing again), and I was discharged on Friday morning. The only bump in the road was on Sunday, I started becoming nauseated and lethargic and eventually couldn't keep anything down. I ended up being readmitted to the hospital for IV fluids. Apparently, my toleration of narcotics is minimal. My BP was dangerously low. I told the girl wheeling me to my room to watch me for signs of seizure activity, because I felt as though one was very close.
I was discharged yesterday afternoon after I proved I could eat and keep it down. I am managing my pain on mostly Tylenol and less than half of the narcotics. Still need the Valium at 1/2 to 1/4 of the dose to manage the muscle cramps, but really I am doing well!!!
BUT enough of me. I was able to pray for my night shift nurse who was having pain in her knee d/t degeneration. She cried because I prayed. My surgeon walked in on me as I was worshiping (with headsets on) my hands raised to Jesus. :) I've told so many people how Jesus has given me peace through out this ordeal. I could go on and on and on. Satan meant to shut me up, BUT my mouth is speaking more and more for Jesus, so he (the evil one) might as well give up!!!! :)
The immediate prayer request is for the left graft site. It appears to be becoming necrotic (dying). Please speak life over it. Necrosis can spread and cause infection, and I won't have it in Jesus' name. I WILL NOT REMAIN SILENT!!!
Today I received a blessing that made me cry uncontrollably. When Jesus heart is manifested through His people, I can't help but to weep. I feel so loved, more love that can be contained, that it has to overflow my eyes!!! Jesus, You are beautiful through Your people. Thank you, Beautiful iBeJulio's Momma! I Love you and I Love your family!
Another one of my faithful praying friends, "Pure-Hearted Intercessor", gave me the most wonderful gift today. As she was interceding for me, she opened her eyes to find a white feather on her left knee. For those of you who know me intimately, you know Jesus gives me feathers as a sign of His Love and protection. My friend will be presenting the feather to me as a beautiful gift from my Jesus.
How is it possible that one woman can be so blessed? Only by Jesus!!!!
I will not trust in the horses and chariots of men, but I will trust in my God, Who covers me with His wings and hides me in His shadow. A lovely place to be...ALWAYS!!!!
Thank you for praying, standing and loving me!!!
With Much Love ALWAYS...
Beautiful Grace
I am not able to do stairs at the moment, but my sweet Strongman has set up a temporary computer system here in my living room. I didn't have all the email addresses, so I hadn't sent out a mass update, but Tony just uploaded my addresses, so here it goes.
In one word...JESUS!!! Surgery went fantastic, the graft appears healthy (yea), the range of motion in my arms is weeks ahead of schedule (can't wait to start dancing again), and I was discharged on Friday morning. The only bump in the road was on Sunday, I started becoming nauseated and lethargic and eventually couldn't keep anything down. I ended up being readmitted to the hospital for IV fluids. Apparently, my toleration of narcotics is minimal. My BP was dangerously low. I told the girl wheeling me to my room to watch me for signs of seizure activity, because I felt as though one was very close.
I was discharged yesterday afternoon after I proved I could eat and keep it down. I am managing my pain on mostly Tylenol and less than half of the narcotics. Still need the Valium at 1/2 to 1/4 of the dose to manage the muscle cramps, but really I am doing well!!!
BUT enough of me. I was able to pray for my night shift nurse who was having pain in her knee d/t degeneration. She cried because I prayed. My surgeon walked in on me as I was worshiping (with headsets on) my hands raised to Jesus. :) I've told so many people how Jesus has given me peace through out this ordeal. I could go on and on and on. Satan meant to shut me up, BUT my mouth is speaking more and more for Jesus, so he (the evil one) might as well give up!!!! :)
The immediate prayer request is for the left graft site. It appears to be becoming necrotic (dying). Please speak life over it. Necrosis can spread and cause infection, and I won't have it in Jesus' name. I WILL NOT REMAIN SILENT!!!
Today I received a blessing that made me cry uncontrollably. When Jesus heart is manifested through His people, I can't help but to weep. I feel so loved, more love that can be contained, that it has to overflow my eyes!!! Jesus, You are beautiful through Your people. Thank you, Beautiful iBeJulio's Momma! I Love you and I Love your family!
Another one of my faithful praying friends, "Pure-Hearted Intercessor", gave me the most wonderful gift today. As she was interceding for me, she opened her eyes to find a white feather on her left knee. For those of you who know me intimately, you know Jesus gives me feathers as a sign of His Love and protection. My friend will be presenting the feather to me as a beautiful gift from my Jesus.
How is it possible that one woman can be so blessed? Only by Jesus!!!!
I will not trust in the horses and chariots of men, but I will trust in my God, Who covers me with His wings and hides me in His shadow. A lovely place to be...ALWAYS!!!!
Thank you for praying, standing and loving me!!!
With Much Love ALWAYS...
Beautiful Grace
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Dear Caring and Steadfast Friends,
My final pre-surgical appointment was Friday morning. I never realized how much there was to discuss with this type of procedure. The surgery (double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction) is set for next Thursday, the 3rd, at Harrisburg Hospital. At this point, the plan is that I'll only be there for 23hr.
Some specific prayer requests are as follows:
I thank my men (Strongman, Consecrated and Fire) for all the love, support, and protection they show me continually. I love you guys so much!!!!
May what you have poured out for me come back to you tenfold, in the name of Jesus!!
Which Much Love and Thankfulness,
Bellann :)
"Out of the part assigned to the Judahites was the inheritance of the tribe of Simeon, for the portion of the tribe of Judah was too large for them." Joshua 18:9a
The tribe of Judah, which means praise, was given an inheritance by the Lord that was too large for them. They were overflowing with praise, and their brother tribe, Simeon, gained their portion from within the boundaries of Judah. Wouldn't it be awesome if our lives were so full of praise that our brothers' (or sisters') praise was apportioned from our overflow?
My final pre-surgical appointment was Friday morning. I never realized how much there was to discuss with this type of procedure. The surgery (double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction) is set for next Thursday, the 3rd, at Harrisburg Hospital. At this point, the plan is that I'll only be there for 23hr.
Some specific prayer requests are as follows:
- That God Himself would guide both surgeons' hands
- That the lymph nodes removed for the sentinel biopsy are free from metastasis.
- That the epidural catheter would be placed without difficulty and with no damage the tissue (soft or otherwise) in my spinal column
- That I would not experience post anesthesia nausea and vomiting
- No infection, in Jesus' name!
- The tissue flap needs a good blood flow so it doesn't die. There is a 30% chance of this occurring. This procedure is rather new for our country, but I am willing to try it.
- That the pain would be manageable without heavy duty drugs
- That I would have the strength and courage to push through the pain in order to perform all necessary post-operative exercises
- That I would continue in the Peace that surpasses all understanding, bringing Light to those around me.
- Financial peace for Strongman, as I will not be able to work for ~ 4 weeks. I only have 40 hours of paid time off.
- That my sons would continue to take all of this one step at a time and that they would remain in Peace.
I thank my men (Strongman, Consecrated and Fire) for all the love, support, and protection they show me continually. I love you guys so much!!!!
May what you have poured out for me come back to you tenfold, in the name of Jesus!!
Which Much Love and Thankfulness,
Bellann :)
"Out of the part assigned to the Judahites was the inheritance of the tribe of Simeon, for the portion of the tribe of Judah was too large for them." Joshua 18:9a
The tribe of Judah, which means praise, was given an inheritance by the Lord that was too large for them. They were overflowing with praise, and their brother tribe, Simeon, gained their portion from within the boundaries of Judah. Wouldn't it be awesome if our lives were so full of praise that our brothers' (or sisters') praise was apportioned from our overflow?
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Far East Movement - Rocketeer Cover: By iBeJulio
Music fills my house when iBeJulio,
Consecrated and Fire get together.
God has doled out amazing musical talent to you!
All music was sang, played,
filmed and recorded by these awesome young men,
let's not forget Jordan.
See the behind the scenes videos on 1aDayMyles:
audio and video.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Removal of the Mountain-The Richest Woman in the World
Hello, Cherished Ones,
I saw the plastic surgeon this morning, and have decided to proceed with the surgery on February 3rd. I will, at any time until then, change the plan if God directs it.
I want to remind you all again, that if you feel the Lord placing anything on your heart in regards to this situation, please share it with me. You never know when you might be the one to confirm something the Lord has already spoken to my heart.
I cannot thank you all enough for your support through prayers, calls, cards, words, and my personal favorite, hugs and kisses. :)
On Sunday morning my Facebook status was, "I'm the richest woman in the world." This trial has been one of revelation for me, so much so, that I don't even see it as a "trial." Jesus has taken what the evil one has meant for destruction and has used it to reignite my fiery passion for people and my desire to see them love Jesus with all of their hearts!!! My situation has given me numerous opportunities to speak of the Awesome God I Love!!!
While on the way to church on Sunday morning, I heard the "Revelation Song" on the radio, and thought to myself how much I wanted to sing that song in worship again. Guess what song I heard the worship team practicing as I walked into CCC? You guessed it, the "Revelation Song." Anyone who saw me as I walked into the building would have seen the hugest smile on my face. My soul is so rich with blessings from my Jesus, that I am overflowing!!!
Thank you all for holding me up in prayer. It is working!!!
With Much Love...
Beautiful Grace, aka, The Richest Woman in the World!!!
I saw the plastic surgeon this morning, and have decided to proceed with the surgery on February 3rd. I will, at any time until then, change the plan if God directs it.
I want to remind you all again, that if you feel the Lord placing anything on your heart in regards to this situation, please share it with me. You never know when you might be the one to confirm something the Lord has already spoken to my heart.
I cannot thank you all enough for your support through prayers, calls, cards, words, and my personal favorite, hugs and kisses. :)
On Sunday morning my Facebook status was, "I'm the richest woman in the world." This trial has been one of revelation for me, so much so, that I don't even see it as a "trial." Jesus has taken what the evil one has meant for destruction and has used it to reignite my fiery passion for people and my desire to see them love Jesus with all of their hearts!!! My situation has given me numerous opportunities to speak of the Awesome God I Love!!!
While on the way to church on Sunday morning, I heard the "Revelation Song" on the radio, and thought to myself how much I wanted to sing that song in worship again. Guess what song I heard the worship team practicing as I walked into CCC? You guessed it, the "Revelation Song." Anyone who saw me as I walked into the building would have seen the hugest smile on my face. My soul is so rich with blessings from my Jesus, that I am overflowing!!!
Thank you all for holding me up in prayer. It is working!!!
With Much Love...
Beautiful Grace, aka, The Richest Woman in the World!!!
Ephesians 3:7-9 (Amplified Bible)
Of this [Gospel] I was made a minister according to the gift of God's free grace (undeserved favor) which was bestowed on me by the exercise (the working in all its effectiveness) of His power.
To me, though I am the very least of all the saints (God's consecrated people), this grace (favor, privilege) was granted and graciously entrusted: to proclaim to the Gentiles the unending (boundless, fathomless, incalculable, and exhaustless) riches of Christ [wealth which no human being could have searched out],
Also to enlighten all men and make plain to them what is the plan [regarding the Gentiles and providing for the salvation of all men] of the mystery kept hidden through the ages and concealed until now in [the mind of] God Who created all things by Christ Jesus.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Removal of the Mountain- Hearing God's Voice
Peace, Sweet Peace! Experiencing Peace in the midst of a diagnosis of breast cancer seems unrealistic, but possible. My soul has been at Peace during the process of sorting through mountains of information regarding the treatment options. Thank You, Jesus!!! Since my natural personality tends to worry, I can only say that the Peace I am experiencing is miraculous!
The treatment options laid out before me include a lumpectomy followed by radiotherapy (5 days a week for 5 weeks) combined with Tamoxifen (5 years).
While reading about the common and not so common side effects of the Tamoxifen, I broke down; immediately, I turned away from man's knowledge and cried out to God for Him. I was not about to lose the awesome Peace I had been experiencing.
The surgeon also proposed another option of double mastectomy, thus eliminating the need for follow up radiotherapy and Tamoxifen.
At this point, the lumpectomy that had been scheduled is canceled, and I am awaiting an appointment with the plastic surgeon. I want to know all of my options before proceeding! The appointment is January 24th, if you want to pray. :)
Breast cancer has not been the only serious diagnosis I have been given. Twenty-three years ago, I was diagnosed with an arteriovenous malformation (similar to an aneurysm) located in my left frontal cortex (left front portion of my brain).
I had been experiencing severe headaches due to the pressure the AVM was placing on the surrounding brain tissue, and it had started to leak, which caused a seizure.
As penned in the post, "What Then is Love?" grim predictions were given...if I chose not to have surgery, “don’t lift more than five pounds, don’t get constipated, don’t sneeze or cough,” the neurosurgeon advised. In addition, the unthinkable, “You will not be able to have children, and even with these precautions, the AVM could possibly rupture anyway causing coma or death. If you choose to have the surgery, there will be six months, at least, of slurred speech, a very high possibility of short-term memory loss, possibly long-term memory loss, right-sided weakness, and if it went sour... coma or death,” the surgeon reported.
Not having a clue what to do, I was extremely upset!! I had never experienced fear to that intensity previously. After receiving the report of the ct scan at work, I was so scared that I needed to leave mid shift.
I had heard of people experiencing miraculous healing and believed that God sometimes chooses to heal in that way, but I was desperate to hear God, let Him tell me what to do, how to proceed. I was sitting on my bedroom floor with the TV turned to the 700 Club. As the ticker tape like prayer line number scrolled across the bottom of the screen, I decided to call for prayer.
The faith-filled man I spoke with declared miraculous healing, "God will heal you without surgery." I whole-heartedly believed that this was God's answer to my dilemma, but God's plan took a different path.
As I listened to the prayer warrior, from behind me I felt a cool breeze on my back. I then felt (not seen, but felt) a hand placed between my ear and the phone's receiver, muffling the man's voice. In my other ear, I heard another voice loud and clear, "Bellann, have the surgery. I will take care of you." I thanked the man for praying and then hung up the phone.
I thought, I think I just heard the voice of God. The next thing I realized was that ALL of the fear I had been experiencing was totally gone. I was experiencing the peace that surpasses all understanding. The God of the universe had just audibly directed my path!!!
And God did take care of me!!! I experienced none of the side effects predicted by the doctors!!! I moved in such Peace that a fellow nursing student told me after my surgery that she thought I had been in denial of the gravity of the situation. :)
I am retelling this story to you now, because I want to make it perfectly clear. God will direct my path now as He did twenty-three years ago!
Lord, You know all things, beginning and end. You have promised to direct my paths, because I recognize and acknowledge Your sovereignty!!! Cancer is like a cold to You (taken from Pastor Dave Hess). You are the One I trust. Thank You for the knowledge You pour out through man, but ultimately, my trust remains firm in You!!! AMEN!!!
My ears are open...
The treatment options laid out before me include a lumpectomy followed by radiotherapy (5 days a week for 5 weeks) combined with Tamoxifen (5 years).
While reading about the common and not so common side effects of the Tamoxifen, I broke down; immediately, I turned away from man's knowledge and cried out to God for Him. I was not about to lose the awesome Peace I had been experiencing.
The surgeon also proposed another option of double mastectomy, thus eliminating the need for follow up radiotherapy and Tamoxifen.
At this point, the lumpectomy that had been scheduled is canceled, and I am awaiting an appointment with the plastic surgeon. I want to know all of my options before proceeding! The appointment is January 24th, if you want to pray. :)
Breast cancer has not been the only serious diagnosis I have been given. Twenty-three years ago, I was diagnosed with an arteriovenous malformation (similar to an aneurysm) located in my left frontal cortex (left front portion of my brain).
I had been experiencing severe headaches due to the pressure the AVM was placing on the surrounding brain tissue, and it had started to leak, which caused a seizure.
As penned in the post, "What Then is Love?" grim predictions were given...if I chose not to have surgery, “don’t lift more than five pounds, don’t get constipated, don’t sneeze or cough,” the neurosurgeon advised. In addition, the unthinkable, “You will not be able to have children, and even with these precautions, the AVM could possibly rupture anyway causing coma or death. If you choose to have the surgery, there will be six months, at least, of slurred speech, a very high possibility of short-term memory loss, possibly long-term memory loss, right-sided weakness, and if it went sour... coma or death,” the surgeon reported.
Not having a clue what to do, I was extremely upset!! I had never experienced fear to that intensity previously. After receiving the report of the ct scan at work, I was so scared that I needed to leave mid shift.
I had heard of people experiencing miraculous healing and believed that God sometimes chooses to heal in that way, but I was desperate to hear God, let Him tell me what to do, how to proceed. I was sitting on my bedroom floor with the TV turned to the 700 Club. As the ticker tape like prayer line number scrolled across the bottom of the screen, I decided to call for prayer.
The faith-filled man I spoke with declared miraculous healing, "God will heal you without surgery." I whole-heartedly believed that this was God's answer to my dilemma, but God's plan took a different path.
As I listened to the prayer warrior, from behind me I felt a cool breeze on my back. I then felt (not seen, but felt) a hand placed between my ear and the phone's receiver, muffling the man's voice. In my other ear, I heard another voice loud and clear, "Bellann, have the surgery. I will take care of you." I thanked the man for praying and then hung up the phone.
I thought, I think I just heard the voice of God. The next thing I realized was that ALL of the fear I had been experiencing was totally gone. I was experiencing the peace that surpasses all understanding. The God of the universe had just audibly directed my path!!!
And God did take care of me!!! I experienced none of the side effects predicted by the doctors!!! I moved in such Peace that a fellow nursing student told me after my surgery that she thought I had been in denial of the gravity of the situation. :)
I am retelling this story to you now, because I want to make it perfectly clear. God will direct my path now as He did twenty-three years ago!
Lord, You know all things, beginning and end. You have promised to direct my paths, because I recognize and acknowledge Your sovereignty!!! Cancer is like a cold to You (taken from Pastor Dave Hess). You are the One I trust. Thank You for the knowledge You pour out through man, but ultimately, my trust remains firm in You!!! AMEN!!!
My ears are open...
Monday, January 17, 2011
The Mountain Revealed
My previous post, Mountain in the Path, describes various reactions to an obstacle placed in one's pathway. This post was inspired by the personal mountain I am currently dealing with...its name, breast cancer.
My yearly routine mammogram revealed microcalcifications in my right breast. Microcalcifications are formed when cells are dividing rapidly and dying quickly. Cancer was not seen on the mammogram, just its effects.
A stereotactic biopsy was recommended and performed the Wednesday before Christmas. Undergoing a biopsy at a different site on the same breast five years ago, did not prepare me for this unique procedure. Although, uncomfortable (I developed a cramp in one of my intercostal muscles during the procedure), the technology was fascinating, and I thank God for the knowledge He has given man!
While driving to work on Christmas afternoon, I asked the Lord what He was going to do in 2011. Clearly, His Spirit replied...
My prayer requests would be the following...
****that I would remain in Peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding.
I will continue to keep you updated as time allows. In the meantime, I would appreciate any prayers you offer on my behalf.
With Much Love...
Beautiful Grace :)
My yearly routine mammogram revealed microcalcifications in my right breast. Microcalcifications are formed when cells are dividing rapidly and dying quickly. Cancer was not seen on the mammogram, just its effects.
A stereotactic biopsy was recommended and performed the Wednesday before Christmas. Undergoing a biopsy at a different site on the same breast five years ago, did not prepare me for this unique procedure. Although, uncomfortable (I developed a cramp in one of my intercostal muscles during the procedure), the technology was fascinating, and I thank God for the knowledge He has given man!
While driving to work on Christmas afternoon, I asked the Lord what He was going to do in 2011. Clearly, His Spirit replied...
"Do not trust in the chariots and horses of men. Trust in Me."
from Psalm 20:7
Immediately, I began pondering His statement and attempted to apply it to any current situations, which gave me a choice to either trust man or trust Him. I knew God was speaking, but was not certain how His word applied to me.
The Monday after Christmas, my husband and I were visiting my Momma who was hospitalized for left leg cellulitis (this has been recurring for many years. Please pray!) My cousin, who I don't see very often was also visiting my Mom. She went on to list her numerous surgeries, the latest of which was a double mastectomy. Can anyone say, "Foreshadowing?"
My husband and I decided to eat out for dinner, and eat somewhere fun, so we decided to eat at a local hibachi grill. My phone rang as the chef was juggled knives and threw eggs, slicing them in midair. My surgeon's voice cut through the moment with the surreal statement, "The biopsy showed cancer."
My immediate thought was not, she's saying I have cancer; it was, my Christian brothers and sisters will think I have sinned in some way. For a little while, I only asked for prayer from those I could trust, but I have changed my mind. Satan's strategy is to keep us alone, without the support of the body of Christ. I want to buck the evil one, therefore, I am now publicly asking for prayer.
My prayer requests would be the following...
****that I would remain in Peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding.
****that I would hear the Lord clearly as to what He wants me to proceed. He is the One I trust. I will not trust in the chariots and horses of man!
****that I would be able to minister to my family and fulfill my responsibilities at work in a way that would glorify God.
****that the testimony I will have to share would draw those who hear to the Great Healer.
****that you would share with me what you feel the Lord is saying, any direction He would have for me.
I will continue to keep you updated as time allows. In the meantime, I would appreciate any prayers you offer on my behalf.
With Much Love...
Beautiful Grace :)
"Some trust in and boast of chariots and some of horses,
but we will trust in and boast of the name of the Lord our God."
Psalm 20:7 (Amplified Bible)
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Mountain in the Path
While driving to work yesterday (Christmas), I felt the Lord say that for 2011, it is important to trust in Him for help, not in horses and chariots of men. Psalm 20:7
Lord, only You by the power of Your Spirit can protect, provide and empower. Thank You, in advance, for stirring the gift of faith in us to continue on the path of faith, which you have laid out before us. AMEN!!!
Several hours ago, a mountain was placed before my path. I love how the Lord prepared my heart for this. People respond various ways to the difficult situations in which they find themselves.
When a mountain is placed in your path, what do you do?
Some of my Facebook friends commented...
"Fret over it for awhile. Stress out and make myself crazy until I finally realize I can do nothing. Only when I reach that point to I finally surrender to God, place everything in His hands and let go. It's at that point God begins to move that mountain...one large boulder at a time."
"Take pictures! :)"
"Pray!"
"I usually start digging a path and hope a friend or two shows up to help. They usually do. Good friends show up with big shovels. The best friends show up heavy machinery. : )"
"Get 2 climbing....its not ur first or ur last!! But ull get over it!!"
It occurs to me that perspective influences just how the mountain is perceived. My God is much more powerful than any obstacle placed before me, and He has showed me ahead of time that this mountain would come. My perspective causes me to see the mountain in light of all God has done, is doing, and will do in my life. My perception trusts that God knows what's going even when I am clueless. He is my Provider, my Healer, my Friend, and my King! He loves me with love everlasting and has the best plan for my family and me.
How do I respond to this challenge?
If a mountain is in the path, could it mean that the path one's on must change?
One could look at the mountain and be overwhelmed.
A mountain could cause one fear or panic; conversely, a mountain could inspire bold courage.
One could ignore the mountain and hope it goes away.
One could trust that the mountain placed before them was foreknown by God, Who has allowed it for His purposes and will bring good from it to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes!
One could trust in the horses and chariots of men to deal with the mountain, but I WILL TRUST THE LORD!!!
"Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God."
Psalm 20:7
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Legend [LIVE] (10/29/2010-Day 271)
Consecrated is playing the bass guitar and Fire the drums.
This was recorded at Redland Valley Brethren in Christ Coffee House,
The guitarist, Mr. Warren, is one of the youth leaders.
We met the Warren Family through a home education co-operative.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Fire's Soccer Banquet and Senior Night
Senior Night
Fire has had the privilege of playing two years of high school soccer. Last Sunday marked the end of his career with the soccer banquet where he received a soccer pin. I am so proud of his dedication to the game as evidenced by his always giving 110% in practices and games with a Christlike attitude of sportsmanship!
This season may be complete, but many more and varied seasons await you, my dear Fire.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
My Fall Flowers and New Landscaping Scheme
North Side
West Side
West Side
West Side
West Side
New Shrub
South Side
Ornamental Grass
We planted numerous bulbs in this section.
It will be gorgeous next spring!
Previously, our landscape scheme consisted of wooden timbers
placed in sharp 45-degree angles serving as boarders.
Now we have curved borders without the timbers. :)
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