Peace, Sweet Peace! Experiencing Peace in the midst of a diagnosis of breast cancer seems unrealistic, but possible. My soul has been at Peace during the process of sorting through mountains of information regarding the treatment options. Thank You, Jesus!!! Since my natural personality tends to worry, I can only say that the Peace I am experiencing is miraculous!
The treatment options laid out before me include a lumpectomy followed by radiotherapy (5 days a week for 5 weeks) combined with Tamoxifen (5 years).
While reading about the common and not so common side effects of the Tamoxifen, I broke down; immediately, I turned away from man's knowledge and cried out to God for Him. I was not about to lose the awesome Peace I had been experiencing.
The surgeon also proposed another option of double mastectomy, thus eliminating the need for follow up radiotherapy and Tamoxifen.
At this point, the lumpectomy that had been scheduled is canceled, and I am awaiting an appointment with the plastic surgeon. I want to know all of my options before proceeding! The appointment is January 24th, if you want to pray. :)
Breast cancer has not been the only serious diagnosis I have been given. Twenty-three years ago, I was diagnosed with an arteriovenous malformation (similar to an aneurysm) located in my left frontal cortex (left front portion of my brain).
I had been experiencing severe headaches due to the pressure the AVM was placing on the surrounding brain tissue, and it had started to leak, which caused a seizure.
As penned in the post, "What Then is Love?" grim predictions were given...if I chose not to have surgery, “don’t lift more than five pounds, don’t get constipated, don’t sneeze or cough,” the neurosurgeon advised. In addition, the unthinkable, “You will not be able to have children, and even with these precautions, the AVM could possibly rupture anyway causing coma or death. If you choose to have the surgery, there will be six months, at least, of slurred speech, a very high possibility of short-term memory loss, possibly long-term memory loss, right-sided weakness, and if it went sour... coma or death,” the surgeon reported.
Not having a clue what to do, I was extremely upset!! I had never experienced fear to that intensity previously. After receiving the report of the ct scan at work, I was so scared that I needed to leave mid shift.
I had heard of people experiencing miraculous healing and believed that God sometimes chooses to heal in that way, but I was desperate to hear God, let Him tell me what to do, how to proceed. I was sitting on my bedroom floor with the TV turned to the 700 Club. As the ticker tape like prayer line number scrolled across the bottom of the screen, I decided to call for prayer.
The faith-filled man I spoke with declared miraculous healing, "God will heal you without surgery." I whole-heartedly believed that this was God's answer to my dilemma, but God's plan took a different path.
As I listened to the prayer warrior, from behind me I felt a cool breeze on my back. I then felt (not seen, but felt) a hand placed between my ear and the phone's receiver, muffling the man's voice. In my other ear, I heard another voice loud and clear, "Bellann, have the surgery. I will take care of you." I thanked the man for praying and then hung up the phone.
I thought, I think I just heard the voice of God. The next thing I realized was that ALL of the fear I had been experiencing was totally gone. I was experiencing the peace that surpasses all understanding. The God of the universe had just audibly directed my path!!!
And God did take care of me!!! I experienced none of the side effects predicted by the doctors!!! I moved in such Peace that a fellow nursing student told me after my surgery that she thought I had been in denial of the gravity of the situation. :)
I am retelling this story to you now, because I want to make it perfectly clear. God will direct my path now as He did twenty-three years ago!
Lord, You know all things, beginning and end. You have promised to direct my paths, because I recognize and acknowledge Your sovereignty!!! Cancer is like a cold to You (taken from Pastor Dave Hess). You are the One I trust. Thank You for the knowledge You pour out through man, but ultimately, my trust remains firm in You!!! AMEN!!!
My ears are open...