When I turned thirty-five, I started thinking, "Oh, my, I'll soon be forty." As irrational as it might sound, it bothered me to think about turning forty. Why did forty seem so final?
Part of the reason may have been that forty reminded me of a finishing line for the season of pregnancy. My husband and I were not planning to have any more children, but deep in my mother-heart, I still longed to feel life swell in my body, sooth my crying child, cuddle and kiss and play just once more.
I believe most woman "feel" this sense of finality, but in my case it was becoming somewhat distracting and the remedy...prayer. As long as I had my friend, Jesus, what did it matter if I never had another physical baby?
Approximately Six months before my birthday, I awoke to the Lord instructing me to study every forty in the Bible. I became amazed at the number of instances and the significance of those instances. Forty days and forty nights of rain then the rainbow, signifying the covenant promise of God (Genesis 7:12); forty days of spying resulting in forty years of wilderness (Numbers 14) then the promised land; King David reigned over Israel for forty years, (1 Chronicles 29:27) etc.
By the time my fortieth birthday came, I was actually looking forward to it; I anticipated what God would do in my life.
I was privileged to be volunteering as a Bible school nurse on my long awaited birthday. While stationed in the first aid tent, I had the free time to read, pray, and worship with singing. The Lord's Presence became so intense that I just had to begin writing the words, which flooded my soul. "My Heart Beats For You" is the gift that I received from Jesus on my fortieth birthday.
Part of the reason may have been that forty reminded me of a finishing line for the season of pregnancy. My husband and I were not planning to have any more children, but deep in my mother-heart, I still longed to feel life swell in my body, sooth my crying child, cuddle and kiss and play just once more.
I believe most woman "feel" this sense of finality, but in my case it was becoming somewhat distracting and the remedy...prayer. As long as I had my friend, Jesus, what did it matter if I never had another physical baby?
Approximately Six months before my birthday, I awoke to the Lord instructing me to study every forty in the Bible. I became amazed at the number of instances and the significance of those instances. Forty days and forty nights of rain then the rainbow, signifying the covenant promise of God (Genesis 7:12); forty days of spying resulting in forty years of wilderness (Numbers 14) then the promised land; King David reigned over Israel for forty years, (1 Chronicles 29:27) etc.
By the time my fortieth birthday came, I was actually looking forward to it; I anticipated what God would do in my life.
I was privileged to be volunteering as a Bible school nurse on my long awaited birthday. While stationed in the first aid tent, I had the free time to read, pray, and worship with singing. The Lord's Presence became so intense that I just had to begin writing the words, which flooded my soul. "My Heart Beats For You" is the gift that I received from Jesus on my fortieth birthday.
My Heart Beats For You
My heart beats for You, my Jesus!
You have poured out Your love into the depths of my soul!
Fractured into thousands of pieces was how You found it.
Pain held there by the shattering consequences of sin.
Its story told to You.
Each piece crying, longing for comfort, healing and wholeness.
Heaviness, heaviness, heaviness blanketing soul's shattering.
Bowing down a head, looking to earth's ground in shame.
Yet, You lovingly handled each piece, fractured.
Your touch smoothed and soothed rough edges.
As a Master Craftsman,
You fitted and formed each one together.
You fitted and formed each one together.
Repairing and restoring them into
A beautiful piece of fine china,
A beautiful piece of fine china,
You left nothing similar to the vessel found before.
Each piece shining,
No seams, no scars to mar the beauty of
The Potter's workmanship.
The Potter's workmanship.
The completed work still to be unfolded for all to see,
Yet, the glory of the Master Potter
Shining brightly in the forming,
Shining brightly in the forming,
Each day brighter, reflecting His glory,
A testimony to His miraculous repair.
Oh, soul's Lover, You my Master shine!
The fire bursting forth from those beautiful eyes,
Burns away each impurity embedded in the porcelain white.
Each day purer, whiter, cleaner,
The piece cleansed by the Master's lifeblood.
Shining, shining, shining with His glory.
Oh, how I love You, My soul's Delight.
You have healed me
And caused me to be filled with the joy of Your love.
And caused me to be filled with the joy of Your love.
How I adore You, my Master, my Lover!
Praise, praise, praise You all of my life.
All will hear praises from my lips,
All will hear praises from my lips,
My voice singing into the heavenlies.
All creation hears my praise...
Freedom has been purchased.
Freedom has been given.
Freedom birthed.
Dancing, dancing, dancing for You, my Jesus!
Your pleasure empowers me.
All of my being will praise You.
You deserve nothing less than All I have!
I give You- me, the china piece forming brighter every day.
Head lifted to You, eyes gazing heavenward,
Seeking for the One I love.
Seeking for the One I love.
My heart beats for You, my Jesus!
You have poured out Your love into the depths of my soul!
Beautiful Grace 7/1/2004
Fortieth Birthday
2 comments:
And, once again, my little sister, your words from your heart bless my own heart of hearts. They pour forth from you as a torrent of LIVING WATER, as HE said they would.
Take pleasure and comfort with the knowledge you are in His perfect will...
Blessed are you and your loved ones.
Love in Jesus,
Jim
such a wonderful poem! :-)
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