Do you live your life seeing it as a glass half empty or do you live as though the glass of live is half full? This was the conversation I had with the women employed by my plastic surgeon on Wednesday. One of the women remarked, "You have a really good attitude about all of this." I responded, "I try to look at life as a glass half full with the help of Jesus." Little did I know, testing of my half full statement was soon to begin.
The next stop was my postoperative visit to my breast surgeon. She asked me to raise my arms above my head, which I did, and then I went through all possible range of motions with my arms/shoulders to which she responded with surprised eyes, "Amazing!" Remember, post bilateral mastectomy patients should not be able to regain full range of motion for weeks to months after the procedure. I did have a little help from my Friend, though! :) Thank You, Jesus!!!! I praise and honor You for how You care for me!!!!
The surgeon then proceeded to explain the pathology report from the surgery. As expected, cancer was found in the right breast, but ONLY in the area identified by the biopsy with No lymph node involvement!!! Thank You, my Beautiful Friend!!!
Then she began to explain the findings of the left breast pathology report. Remember, having the left breast removed was a prophylactic (elective) procedure due to the chance of cancer forming at a later date and my choice of not undergoing Tamoxifen therapy. An "incidental" finding was invasive mucinous carcinoma (extremely rare cancer) on that side as well. Since this cancer was not expected, no sentinel node test had been performed so the extent of metastasis (spread) is undetermined. The pathologist was unwilling to definitively document a "clean margin," meaning confirming the cancer was not close to the healthy tissue line. The surgeon read my face as she revisited the idea of Tamoxifen therapy as well as possible chemotherapy and now the need to see an oncologist. Friends, I will be honest, my awesome peace was attacked in that moment. The surgeon then pointed her finger toward Heaven and said, "Apparently, there is Someone looking out for you."
As the surgeon left the exam room, I began to get dressed, and with tears in my eyes, I said to Strongman, "I'm not leaving this room until I get my peace back!" I began to thank Jesus, my Friend, for the fact that the cancer was already removed, and thanking Him for granting me supernatural peace throughout this "ordeal." I felt Him minister to my emotions as I reported to the desk to make more appointments.
Strongman and I then went to the mall for lunch. While using the ladies' room, the Lord reminded me of the earlier conversation with the women at the plastic surgeon's office. Glass half full? I thought to myself. Then God broke in saying, "Not a glass half full; you are a cup running over." Thank You, Jesus, for Your encouragement at just the perfect time!!!! I Love You!!!!!!
Psalm 23:5 (Amplified Bible)
"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with [a]oil; my [brimming] cup runs over."
· ... that I would maintain supernatural peace, enabling me to continue to hear His voice directing my path, and also, so that I can continue to be a witness to others during this "trial."
· I know many of you on this list are prophetically gifted!!! PLEASE as you intercede on my behalf, if you hear the Lord's direction as to my next step, share it with me. I believe I am "mature" enough in the Lord to discern His voice through others, but I desire confirmations as to what I already feel in my heart. :)
· Continue to pray against infection, especially for the left graft site.
· Nights can be difficult. I still cannot sleep in a "normal" recumbent (laying flat) position. In addition, I still at times have some, let's say, intense chest muscle cramping at night.
· Genetic testing is highly being recommended. I am wary about genetic testing because although the HIPAA law protects my results, if I would be BRCA positive, then my sons would also "need" testing. If they would be positive, they would be ineligible for health or life insurance. Did you know that men also could develop breast cancer?
· BRCA positive women also have a 47% chance of developing ovarian cancer.
In spiritual circles, there has been the phrase coined, "You're going on a demon hunt." I do not want to fall into that trap. My desire to see Jesus, in all of His glory, and then live with His glory emanating from me. All of this other "stuff" is a distraction, and I am sick of it!!! Fear will NOT stop me from speaking about my Beautiful One!!!! Fear will NOT pressure me into treatments and tests. Only the Spirit of the Living God will lead me!!!
No longer will I live looking at life, positively, as a glass half full! I will live my life as God has spoken, as a cup running over!!! I would encourage all of you to do the same!!!! As Christians, our destiny is to be running over with the power, the Presence, and Love of the One True, Living God!!!!! AND our call is to "run over" onto all we meet!!!!
I Love you ALL in Jesus!!!
With Much Love ALWAYS...
Beautiful Grace :)